Listen To The Past

WTH?

I love The Hush Sound's first CD. No other band's first 'major' CD has blown me away that much for a long time. Seriously. Major love goes out to their first CD.

So two days ago I bought 'Goodbye Blues' thinking YAH!OMG!YES! only to be sorely disappointed. Why do I hear so much Greta Salpeter and not enough Bob Morris. To be honest he had the catchier songs and the better lyrics on their other CD...so why so much less of his on this one? WHY!?!? I'm so sad.

On 'Goodbye Blues' Greta tried too many vocal 'techniques' in my opinion she could not pull off. Bob always stays in a nice pleasant, comfortable range that I enjoy. Please someone tell me they agree.

Medicine Man and Honey both sucked. Just...WTF?

What does everyone else think about this CD?

Jess

So...Just my ramblings under the cut.

( let's not pretend like you're alone tonight )

Isn't my new background pretty? It's so shiny and loverly. I've never changed my background before. I'm so proud of myself! I totally got my new layout from thefulcrum, specifically grrliz. Without her clear directions I would've been totally lost.

Anyway, I'm excited. Can you tell?

Hope everyone is alright.

Jess
<3

OMG! People on fanfiction.net are so mean! Apparently drabbles aren't good enough for them. WTH? I said it was a drabble yet they still read it anyway and then commented that is was stupid. People are idiots. I shall never post there again.

Anyway...

The Spinal Cord Stimulator didn't work out :[. Now we're on to a pain pump. Morphine is too dangerous for someone my age according to me doctor, so 'PreAlt' is what they would use ('PreAlt' is the brand name of a special kind of snail venom). The venom is usually used on 'end-of-life' cancer patients, so at least I know this stuff is powerful. We're not sure what we're going to do yet, although the pump is the most likely option.

Otherwise, I've been busy cleaning, which kills my back but oh well. It certainly needs done.

Hope all is well with everyone.

Jess <3

Well, today I had the procedure to try the Spinal Cord Stimulator(I have it in right now). I don't think it's going to work out. It really sucks. This is one of my last few options. It's not even getting to where the pain is.

*sigh*

( I wrote another drabble... )

Title: This Early Morning
Author: lifexisxtragic
Word Count: 100
Rating: PG-13 (It mentions them making love in brief passing)
Challenge: #110- Sight- from snarry100
A/N- This is my first piece of fanfiction. Criticism is welcome!

( This Early Morning )

IGNORE THIS.

( I'm attempting a lj-cut )

So I joined a community that has weekly challenges to write 100 words about a Harry Potter pairing (Snape/Harry). What an odd combo, but a good one.

I need a beta but honestly have no clue how to even attempt to find one. I guess I shall search.

100 words a week isn't too bad. It's a nice way to brush up on my writing skills.

Plus it's not like you have to do one every single week. Only when you want to.

I don't know why I'm justifying this.

Anyway.

Hope all is well for everyone.

Jess

Wood type: birch Length: 11 inches Core: Gryffon Feather get your own wand!

It's been 11 weeks since I've posted. That's a long time.

I just wrote my first fanfiction story was sucks beyond all belief, and I'm not just saying that. No one will ever look upon it if it's the last thing I do. I do not think I will attempt another. I'm better at reading others than writing, this much is clear.

Otherwise things are normal.

Life is pretty good.
My laptop is working.
My pain is the same but at least not worse.
I'm doing well in school.
Yup.


Jess

It's 5:45 am and I can't sleep.

I've been up since 3:30. DAMNIT.

I could cry right about now.

Not sleeping makes me unhappy. I'm like...evil the next day.

I ever took my sleeping pills and NOTHING!!

Today is momentous. Not really, I'm just overly dramatic.

I, Jessica, am bored on the internet. No amount of fanfiction can cure this.

What has the world become?!
Nothing sounds good right about now.
BLERGH.
Computer time is my happy time...or it is supposed to be.
DARNIT.

*Sigh*
I shall live.

I feel like I don't have friends anymore.

The internet is a lonely place without friends :[
I'm scared to make friends because whenever I make an internet pal it seems like they always hurt me somehow.

Also, Happy Halloween.

Surgery earlier today. Got there at 10:30am and left at 12:30pm. Most of my time spent was waiting. The actual injections took 15 minutes. Dad was there the whole time. It's so frustrating. He's seen my maybe 3 times this year and all he can talk about is himself. His past actions have proved this. I mean, you barely ever see your daughter, you don't talk to her on the phone/e-mail, etc. and all you can do is chat about yourself. Whenever I see him it just reminds me why I don't have contact with him. The actual 'surgery' hurt. HURT like HELL. They didn't give me enough numbing cream. It was way worse than my kidney biopsy. The needle entering wasn't too bad. Once in they kept twisting it around in all directions while pushing deeper and deeper in. I wanted to cry but I managed to keep myself together. The doctor was nice and kept telling me exactly what he was doing but that of course didn't ease my suffering. Now I'm at 8 on a 1-10 pain scale, one being the best, ten being the worst pain. My back is incredibly sore. Once I was in the car I let myself cry all the way home. It was painful.

I was also surprised how they let my leave right after I had come out and gotten dressed. I ate and then took a 4 hour nap. They gave my fentynol so that's probably what put me out. The doctor is expecting me to feel the steroids kick in in 10-12 days but I should get results from the other ingredients in 2-5 days. The 'surgery' is not limiting. For 2 days after you can't lift heavy things, repeatedly bend over, no prolonged standing/walking. If you have physical therapy you can continue. You have to leave the band aids on 12-24 hours. Not that hard. The nurses were ok. When drawing my blood they gave me a numbing shot right in the area and then put the real IV needle in. I've never had that numbing shot before. It's funny they do that because the woman stuck the needle in right past the numb spot after missing a vein the first few times. She apologized. The only major side effect I've had besides pain and exhaustion is that my shaking hands are more pronounced. Overall, not too horrible.

Adler is coming tomorrow to read aloud to me since I wasn't in recovery at all. We'll probably work on some Shakespeare [she was an English major so I love reading with her]. She's also a Rabbi. God she's amazing. She's so fascinating that she could write her own book. I hope she'll do a blessing when she comes. I'm not religious but any extra help I can get, I will. I have really come to love her.

Right now the Trick-or-Treaters are coming by. There haven't been very many tonight. I haven't seen any awesome costumes either besides this 3-5 yr. old in a dog costume and a little one in a giraffe costume. Giraffe costumers are my weak spot [I gave him extra candy :0]. I appreciate how polite everyone has been tonight. Every single one has said 'thank you'. Polite kids are the best. Luckily I haven't seen any teenagers with no costumes around. I never went trick-or-treating without a costume. I hate giving kids like that candy. They make no effort so why should I make the effort to get up and give them candy? My aunt had the motherload of candy for night. My mom and I like to stick to the simple, classic candies like Reese's, M&Ms, Snickers, and Hershey bars. I know for sure we won't run out of candy. It's already 7:40, and it's going from 6:00-8:00. I am going to get so fat on Halloween candy. I can feel it.

Otherwise, my back is a tiny bit better from when I left crying. I'm not getting my hopes up. I don't expect any relief from this time. It can take a few sessions to get results. All I know is I don't want to do that all the time.

Well, I hope everyone is having a good Halloween where ever you are.

Jess

'Surgery' today.
Later this morning.
Hopefully my legs won't be numb for too long afterwards.
I also hope I won't have to lie back flat for too many hours so the blood won't clot. I hate laying still.

One of my favorite adults promised she would come see my during recovery. I owe so much to her. She's such a cute woman and I know I'll enjoy her company. She even promised to read to me. I know being read to is considered 'baby-ish' but I enjoy it. I love her reading voice so it will be a treat.

My dad is going to be there for hours. I'm not sure how I feel about that. Although this time I wasn't the one to invite him.

I'm tired. Beyond tired. I'm tired in every way possible there is to be tired.

Jess

On Halloween I have an appt to get minor surgery for my back pain. I've been in pain since May 06. It's a constant deep ache that sometimes radiates to my hips. I've been seeing a pain doctor downtown since July 06. He put me on oxycontin and we rotated between a few others. As you may know, narcotics have a lot of side effects. I experienced fatigue, shaking hands, a hard time memorizing things, a hard time recalling info. All the while I was still in pain. May 07 my pain escalated to a 7 [on a 1-10 scale] all the time. It's been at about a 7 since.

So I saw a new pain doctor closer and he suggested this procedure. He has another patient with kidney pain who has this 'surgery' done every 3-6 months and has virtually no pain. Isn't that amazing?! I don't want to get my hopes up too high but this seems good. And if this doesn't work he has a bunch of other ideas. I'm so glad I went to see him. My original pain doctor had pretty much thrown in the towel. Dr. Munir [the new one] was very kind, soft spoken and he talked directly to me. The procedure will take all morning but if it gives me any pain relief it will be worth it.

Otherwise nothing too new is happening. I am falling in love with this new show on ABC Pushing Daises. Unique but in a good way.

Forgive any errors I am in a lot of pain and extremely tired.

Have a good day.

Jess

Ok.

So no greeting because I'd be greeting myself. I don't need to add on to my total oddness points.

The 'new' The Used album. Some of it sounds like old them and some of it sounds like new shit. Crappier, worse phrased lyrics with shitty background vocals. But the album is still worth its' price because of Smother Me. I can see that being played at the wedding of a really cool person. The whole 'supernatural' themed song could have had more 'supernatural' effects. At best 7/10.

Illness. My pain has been worse since May. Dr. Goldschneider after over a year finally gave up. There aren't anymore pain med combos he can use. It's really depressing to have your pain doctor GIVE UP. I'm going to see a specialist later this month at OSU. He's one of the first people to notice part of my condition. He has a good rate of success. People from the U.K and New Zealand are desperate to see him. It's weird he's only two hours away for me. If you look on some support sites some people have been in pain for eight years. And this pain is like...goingcrazyoverworthy. If you don't have depression going in you have such a highhigh chance of getting it. Lucky me I already had it. Which is making me so depressed. I just want to give up. I'm sick of pain, exhaustion, lack of understanding. School has been horrible too. I can't go. Sorry. My pain is way too fucking bad. And they are of no help. So no there's a whole battle going on.

My aunt brought me a new blanket today for comfort and it's nice. Plus she brought me some dress socks, my favorite :]

The other night I just read the best Panic-slash story of all time. It was so long it took me two nights to read it but it was totally worth it. I admit to having cried...a lot.

Anyway.

Life goes on.

Jess

Saturday nights are the stuff full cemetaries are made of.

Too alone to think, or breathe.

Somebody just fuck with the clock and let it move foward.

That's all I want.

-Jess

HAHA.

Oh what shallow dreams, thy imagines, in slumber so grave. To kiss thy beauty is to know the world's farthest lands, and to mend thee's broken heart is to live again.

American Music Awards last night. I managed to get through Nelly Furtado's hideous performance only to be disappointed by the fact Fall Out Boy wasn't performing when I'd heard they were. What a waste of 3 minutes. So I turn back at 9:57 and just my luck they've just started! I was blown away. I'm really proud. And for once the cameras didn't focus on Pete the entire time. It was also nice to see them as a band, doing something together; not just Pete at some Hollywood event or another. It's nice. Overall, I think it was a good performance.

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. I'm not entirely sure that I have a mulititude of things to be thankful for. Sure I have some, but things have been pretty crappy to say the least. I just hope tomorrow goes by with as little as many bumps as possible.

Friday is my birthday. It should be a good day. I'm excited.

Otherwise things are boring as ever...and as complicated.

Jess